Fifty Ways to Hack Your Network

A parody of Paul Simon's "50 ways to leave your lover"

"The problem is all inside your LAN," she said to me,
"The answer is easy if you take it logically,
I'd like to help you in your quest for entry,
There must be fifty ways to hack your network."

She said, "It really is my habit to intrude,
In a few I'll ensure my goal is really understood,
So I'll repeat my request until your server is subdued,
There must be fifty ways to hack your network,
Fifty ways to hack your network."

Spoof the printer's MAC, Jack,
Run a port scan, Stan,
Don't need a decoy, Roy,
Just pivot inside.

Sniff the bus, Gus,
You don't need to discuss much,
Just drop a RAT, Pat,
...and get your l00t free.

Exfil that array, Ray,
Exploit the RDP, Lee!
Just phish the admin,
...and get your l00t free.

She said, "It grieves me so to disable your IDS again,
Your firewall rules are leaking data like a hurricane,
I wish there was something I could do to patch this drain,"
She said, "I believe you know the threat actors' refrain."

Poison the ARP, Garp,
Ride the VPN, Jen,
Clone the badge today, Kay,
Leave the Ducky and walk away.

Walk right through the door, Lore,
Script the shell, Mel,
Just leave the Pi behind,
...and get your l00t free.